Week 3 – Tony Robbins in the House!

I’ve just returned home from watching Tony Robbins at Go Pro Marketing!  Such great energy!  Although I had to leave early to come home to my children, I thought I would share some of the nuggets from tonight’s event.

One of the messages I keep hearing over and over and over again (so it must be true, right? Or I must really need to hear it!) is about our greatest ability as humans:
Controlling our thoughts is EVERYTHING!!
We need to strive for the mastery of our own mental and emotional state.

Eighty percent of success is psychology; 20% is mechanics.
Charisma is energy.
And I really LOVED this:  PERFECT is the lowest standard in the world because we suffer so much striving for something that is unattainable.
The secret to living is giving.
If you’re going through Hell, keep going!
Life isn’t happening to you – it’s happening FOR you!
Plant and give when you have nothing to give.
If I’m sad, angry, etc.  it is me.  TAKE CONTROL!
Mastering your ability to change your own state as well as others’ – move to change your state. Failure due to lack of resourcefulness.
People suffer floods, tornadoes, etc. sometimes in the same location every three years!!!  Why?  Wouldn’t you move?  “But it’s home.”
Pain is something to use.
Which positive words/feelings can I use to overcome and completely wipe out the negative words/feelings I use?
The language we use affects us and others – bum vs. ass vs. butt or cock vs. penis, etc.
Courage unused shrinks.
I am courage!  I am faith!

Passion you don’t express becomes weak.
Guilt and depression are selfish – no longer have radiance for others, life.
Whatever you focus on you’re going to feel.
Controlling our focus is the single most important thing in life.
Move states – divorce bad emotions.
So in essence, HUMAN EMOTION is the greatest form of capital in the world.

Amen!

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Week 2 – Leaves of Change

Still working on my DMP and making some great changes to more clearly define my purpose. Having those visual words certainly makes it all more real in my mind’s eye.  I am able to see it all happening!

What I’ve noticed this week is that I am much more aware of where I allow my brain to go.  I feel more in control of what I am thinking and am able to shift gears easily if I hear negativity coming my way. I really feel the need and would love to just meditate and read all the time!  I am anxious to dig in and savor the journey we are all on.

And for what I believe is the first time, I have felt anger.  I am certain it has to do with my first post that I wrote last week.  It hit me like an anvil falling out of the sky  I was watching our two boys wait for the bus.  Reagan, 5, was drawing and writing a book while Gavin, 9, was staring and completely blank.  I saw and felt the distinct difference between them so profoundly that as soon as they were on the bus I began to cry.  But these were not tears of pity.  These were tears of rage at what happened to our beautiful son. What happened to him never should have happened.  It wasn’t his fault and IT WASN’T MY FAULT.  Nine years of guilt and tears.  I’ve always felt that all my energies should be placed toward his recovery and THEN and ONLY THEN would I go after the hospital.  Now I feel that I may be able to start very soon on justice for our son, too.  So I suppose I needed to get that out the first week so that I can function, rewire and receive.

I am excited for this next week of discovery and growth!

Week 1 – Forgiveness. Will I Ever Know It?

Time to write my blah, blah, blah, blah blog.

In desperation to recover and rediscover my sense of self there is undoubtedly a bit I need to get through. So here goes, I bear my heart and wounds to the world.  World wide web that is.

I had always been a driver,Type= A personality that set a goal and always achieved it.  Then I became a mom.

Having a son born at 26 weeks, a micro-preemie weighing 918 grams, the doctors told us we would not take him home until his due date 3 months later.  I disagreed. Obviously, these doctors had no idea that I had always been an over-achiever that achieved and attained anything and everything I put out into the universe and set my sights on. His dad is kind of the same way.  Naturally, our son had inherited these same genes of drive and determination and would receive the ‘memo’ that he would be going home from the hospital within about 5 weeks.  Way ahead of schedule.

One hundred sixteen days later, we finally got to bring Gavin home.  And he came home with monitors and nurses and all sorts of special instructions.  I was drenched in sweat 24 hours a day.  I was so in love with this baby boy and so terrified I was not prepared to take adequate care of him.

I did everything wrong.  Because Gavin arrived so early, I hadn’t ‘researched’ vaccines. While still in hospital, the doctor asked if I wanted to vaccinate.  I was taken aback – of course we would consider it but he wasn’t even supposed to have arrived at this time.  The doctor, whom I inherently trusted, insisted it was safe and that we would be protecting him.  Reluctantly, I agreed to the Hep B vaccination.  After all, they had saved both our lives.

Instead, they gave Gavin, our now 4 pound micro-preemie, 5 shots within a 24-hour period.  He went downhill fast and returned to the NICU.  This is where the damage was done.  He was put on Phenobarbital.  He was having seizures. The doctors told us none of this.

In fact, the doctors failed to send baby home with any of his medications or prescriptions.  So on top of being a first-time mother and having this little, itty-bitty baby, the doctors failed us both miserably.  At the time I had no idea what had happened to either one of us and the discovery of just exactly what did happen still unfolds even as I type.

I cried and cried and cried every day for the first five years of his life.  This beautiful boy had been entrusted to me and I didn’t know what to do for him.  And I didn’t know what to do for myself anymore either.  This ‘Driver, Type-A’ was a total wreck that had driven off the rails in search of a cliff or a brick wall.