Week 8 MKMMA – The Killing Fields

Last week was a really tough week for me.  The battleground was bloody. I didn’t get to my blog because of all the pummeling back and forth.

It was a struggle between my old blueprint and my new emerging blueprint – the new me.  The more I tried to stop the old blueprint from taking over,  the stronger it seemed to become.  At least that’s what I thought. The old peptides were trying to strangle the new seeds that had been planted and were starting to take root.  I was fully aware of this battle scene taking place. And I was helpless to do anything but watch.

Day in and day out the battle took place.  I would barely pick up Og and start reading, ‘I will greet this day with love in my heart’ when I would hear this taunting voice, “Oh, I will greet this day with blech!  Yuck!  Whatever!”  That’s as far as I got a few days.  It was ugly.  (The binding on the book is still in tact, I am happy to report.)

Each time my new habits attempted to take hold, my old crusty blue print punched her in the face, or stomach, or tripped her.  And then one morning, without warning, my new blueprint, I, outsmarted the old cemented blueprint and turned on the iPad and let Og do the reading for me.  Take that old blueprint! Karate Chop!  ‘Die, Old Blueprint, Die!’

Next, I found my index cards.  “What the hell is a trinket?”  “A smile.”  <grimace>  “I don’t feel like smiling.”  So, I just let my old blueprint be.  And stew.

I gave the Mental Diet an honest :30.  Back to the beginning I went.

My old blueprint was pouting.  “I don’t feel like writing a blog about this inner battle.  I’ve never had to battle a new blueprint.  No one has ever challenged my foothold here!”

Somewhere over the weekend my new blueprint, with its stealth wisdom, wrestled and possibly suffocated my old blueprint with a pillow when she wasn’t aware.

My new blueprint is germinating nicely.  It’s not going anywhere.  This week I’m giving it a little more attention and love and sunshine and water.  And a good douse of Miracle Grow.

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10 thoughts on “Week 8 MKMMA – The Killing Fields

  1. MKMMAmika

    Hurray for that your old blueprint will lose the struggle more and more with each passing week, and that your new you will then live happily forever after! Fight on, never give up. You win! 🙂
    By the way, nicely written post. 🙂

    Inspire // Mika

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  2. masterkeyinflorida

    Nancy, I’m new to your blog, but I read this post and your other posts.You are so courageous and have such a heavy load to carry, Your posts are amazing, I don’t know how to contact you directly, so I’ll have to do it this way, Please get on line and look for the book “I Know You’re In There”, by Marcia Hinds. It’s the true story her son, whose autism was so severe, but went from a diagnosis of needing to be institutionalized to a career in aerospace engineering. I have first hand knowledge of his situation because his dad is a relative. Marcia also has a great support site for parents of autistic children,

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  3. Izanna Kutepov

    Nancy.. Hang in there!! Looks like our old BP doesn’t wanna die… I had same feeling couple of weeks. But i know he is not gonna win!!! We are not gonna let him!! Cause : We are … whole perfect strong powerful loving harmonious happy!!
    Love,
    Izanna

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